By Darren Tio
“I pray to the God of War, so that I, Markus son of Mark, may bring glory to our nation by fighting the oncoming battle.”
“I, Gregorious son of Greg, pray to the God of Battle to grant us a worthy bout so that we may prove ourselves as the greatest warriors of the land.”
“And I pray to the God of Victory, so that she may grant us her blessing to achieve her namesake.”
“And I pray to the God of Blades to keep my sword sharp, so that it may cut through my enemy.”
“And I pray to the Gods of Armor to keep my armor strong to withstand a blow from the enemy.”
“And I pray to the God of Defeat so that he may avoid us on this day.”
“And I pray to the God of Good Fortune to smile upon us today.”
“And I pray to the Sun God to grant us a wonderful weather where we will slaughter our enemy.”
“And I pray to the God of Dry Grass to grant us her blessing so that we may not slip and fall as we rush to the field.”
“And I pray to the God of Leather Straps so that my armor will not release from my body due to faulty craftsmanship.”
“And I pray to the God of Sight so that I may see the wretched enemies before me.”
“And I pray to the God of Hearing so that I may hear my enemies approaching.”
“And I pray to the God of Smell so that I may smell my enemies before me.”
“Smell?”
“Shut up Gregorious. And I pray to the God of Horses to braven our steeds.”
“And I pray to the God of Horses’ Sexual Urges so that our steeds will control their lust and not attempt to mount on another instead of our riders.”
“And I pray to the God of Time to end this battle before lunch.”
“And I pray to the God of Restrooms to provide adequate and clean bathrooms after the battle. Please.”
“And I pray to the God of Marriage to keep my wife safe and satisfied. Wait I’m sorry, I just mean safe.”
“And I pray to the God of Death to grant those of us that do not survive a safe passage to the afterlife.”
“And I pray to the God of Life so that he may keep his eyes on the God of Death.”
“Umm, Markus.”
“Shush Gregorious I’m praying to the God of Silent Prayers.”
“Yeah I know but, doesn’t the enemy seem to be coming closer?”
“Wait wha- Oi! Can whoever is praying to the God of Loud Praying keep it down please! Oh yes it does seem that they are getting closer. I pray to the God of Air Resistance so that they may slow our enemy down.”
“And I pray to the God of Clean Pants to keep us from crapping ourselves.”
“And I pray to the God of Bleeding so that if we were cut down it would be a quick death.”
“And I pray to the God of Clean Language to forgive me for saying that we are fu-”
About Darren Tio
Darren Tio is a young aspiring writer from Indonesia. This is his first publication.
Bravo!